How to Negotiate Salary Without Sounding Demanding
Inspired by Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss
Part 1 of 10 | Open to Work Now Series
When you're job searching—especially after a layoff or career pause—negotiating salary can feel intimidating, awkward, or even risky. You might think: "I should just be grateful to get an offer.”
But here's the truth: negotiation isn’t about being demanding—it’s about being clear, confident, and collaborative. And the tools to do it well don’t come from sales scripts. They come from the real-world tactics taught by former FBI hostage negotiator, Chris Voss.
Let’s break down how you can apply his approach to your next offer conversation—without burning bridges or second-guessing your worth.
Why It’s Hard to Ask for More
If you're #OpenToWork, negotiating may feel like a luxury—especially if you're worried about gaps, confidence, or rejection. But skipping the conversation entirely can lead to:
Leaving money (and benefits) on the table
Starting a role underpaid and undervalued
Resentment or burnout months into the job
Instead of silence or apology, try this: Tactical Empathy.
Step 1: Start With Empathy, Not Assumptions
Chris Voss talks about using tactical empathy—not to manipulate, but to understand and align.
Say this:
"I really appreciate the offer and everything we've discussed so far. I know budget and internal ranges are a factor, and I'm sure you're trying to be fair on your end."
This shows you're aware of their constraints and interested in a conversation—not a confrontation.
Step 2: Ask a Calibrated Question
Voss recommends “calibrated questions”—open-ended, thoughtful, and hard to say no to.
Try:
"How flexible is the budget for this role?"
"What’s the typical process for evaluating compensation adjustments at this stage?"
"What can we explore to bring the offer closer to market expectations?"
These questions avoid confrontation while inviting real dialogue.
Step 3: Use Anchoring to Set the Tone
If you're asked about salary first, Voss’s advice? Don’t answer with a number—anchor with curiosity.
Say:
"Before I share a range, can I ask what the budgeted range is for this role?"
OR
"That’s a great question—I’d love to hear how the company has benchmarked this position."
This keeps you from undercutting yourself—and puts the pressure back on them to go first.
Step 4: Be OK With Silence
Here’s a powerful lesson from Voss: “The person who can stay calm longer has the advantage.”
Don’t rush to fill the pause. Let your calibrated question land. If they’re unsure or uncomfortable, that’s okay—it means you’ve created space for consideration.
Step 5: Know What You’re Willing to Trade
Negotiation isn’t always about money. Be ready to explore:
Remote flexibility
Sign-on bonuses
Professional development
PTO or flexible schedules
Health coverage or mental health benefits
If salary is firm, other benefits might not be—and asking shows you're thoughtful, not difficult.
Sample Script to Use in Real Life
"Thanks again for the offer—I'm genuinely excited about the opportunity. That said, based on market data and what I bring to the role, I was hoping we could revisit the base salary. How flexible is that portion of the package?"
Simple. Confident. Empathetic. And very effective.
Final Thought: Confidence Isn’t Arrogance
If you’re worried that negotiating makes you seem ungrateful, remember: companies expect candidates to negotiate. It’s not about making demands—it’s about showing that you know your value and want to start the relationship off with honesty and clarity.
You don’t need a script—you need a strategy. And you’ve got one now.
Next Up: Why “No” Is a Powerful Word in Your Job Search
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